are you so shy because you have an std?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
