if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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