i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
