I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
