I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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