'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
