awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
