we're chasing vodka with high fives
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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