Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
