if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
