She said her name was "party"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
