For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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