it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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