I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
