bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
