he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
