I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
