we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
