Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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