If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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