Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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