So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
