The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
