Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
