if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there's paper in my vomit.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
