I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
