it wasn't lemon gatorade
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
