I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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