eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
