were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
