My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
