whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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