I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
