are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
