it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
