I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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