If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
