What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
