It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
