i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
