2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
