Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
