She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
