I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
