so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't deserve a penis
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
