Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
