this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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