I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
