just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
