Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
