Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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