So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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