I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
