ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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