Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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