The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
