can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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