Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
