She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize