I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
