DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
