we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
