dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
