Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
