I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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