just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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