Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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