i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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