ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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